Author Dr. Stephen Gavazzi says, “Nearly every family with a teen who has problems in school is told what they’re doing wrong. But knowing what’s wrong won’t fix anything. Your problems won’t solve your problems, but your strengths will. That’s why we focus on assets.” He goes on to explain that academic struggles are a family responsibility and not the sole responsibility of the student, adding “We have to get away from the shame and blame focus.”

A Professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Science at The Ohio State University and director of the University’s Center for Family Research, Gavazzi cites evidence based upon years of research to demonstrate, “…. the most effective way to build a plan for getting your teenager to a place that better reflects their academic abilities is through a focus on their current strengths.”

Paying special attention to 5 Facts about Strong Families, the author provides a series of step-by-step exercises designed to get parents and teens to work together to in order to create new opportunities for success in school. For more information, visit Gavazzi’s blog.

Most times when I try to teach my children something – how to mow the lawn, do a budget or clean a toilet – I feel as if I have a positive or at least a neutral effect – with one big exception.

When I have tried to tutor my children in school, or simply help with homework, I often feel like Typhoid Mary. In most cases I have managed only to confuse them.

In his book, Intelligence and How to Get It: Why Schools and Cultures Count, Nisbett says, “Believing that intelligence is under your control and having parents who demand achievement can do wonders.”

For example, the high academic and occupational attainment seen in some cultures is not due to higher IQs, but to family values that emphasize accomplishment and intellectual attainment, and encourage hard work and persistence.

“Highly ambitious elementary, junior high and high school programs can also produce massive gains in academic achievement,” says Nisbett. “And a variety of simple, cost-free interventions, including, most notably, simply convincing students that their intelligence is under their control to a substantial extent, can make a big difference to academic achievement.”

The author also singles out several educational intervention programs that have been shown to be effective in closing the racial and socioeconomic gap in school achievement.

Reported in the New York Times, a paper published in Journal of Adolescence says the “overall findings are contrary to cultural beliefs that boys are interested primarily in sex and not relationships.”

“Let’s give boys more credit,’’ said study author Andrew Smiler, an assistant professor of psychology at the university. “Although some of them are just looking for sex, most boys are looking for a relationship. The kids we know mostly aren’t like this horrible stereotype. They are generally interested in dating and getting to know their partners.’’

As a parent of a teenage boy, I appreciate the advice in the article:

Dr. Smiler said parents should talk to boys and girls and try to teach them about both romantic and platonic relationships, how to develop and maintain them, how to deal with ups and downs and how to forgive and regain trust.

“If your child is having a hard time with school, it is imperative that you get involved in their education,” said Lauren Malone, a former elementary school teacher. “Go straight to the teacher and ask how you can help your child and what the teacher is willing to do to help them succeed in the classroom. Inquire about tutoring at school. Let your child know you are involved and that their education is important to you.”

All these scenarios are considered and tips provided in Parents’ Custom Report Card on FamilyEducation.com.

Perhaps, for example, your child works very hard, but her grades are low or she’s not working to her potential:

If your child’s report card doesn’t jibe with his ability, you may need to do a bit of detective work to figure out why. A lack of motivation can come from frustration at not being able to do schoolwork. Rather than admit they can’t do it, some children will just give up or pretend not to care. Lack of motivation can also be an indicator of other problems.

• Ask your child what’s going on out on the playground, in class, and at lunch.
• Ask him if the work seems too hard, but be on guard — you may not get an honest answer.

You’re the expert on your child. Through caring questions, you can find the underlying reasons for unsatisfactory grades.

Some problems can be addressed with outside help. Individualized tutoring is successful for many; for some students, it is recommended by pediatricians.

For parents with children ages 6 – 9

• Establish a consistent homework routine at a time that works for your family; stick with it as often as possible. Make sure lighting is bright and the seating is comfortable. Turn off TVs, radios, MP3 players, phones, organizers, and hand-held electronic games to encourage your children’s concentration. Create a nightly electronics-free zone, and unless children need to use a computer for schoolwork, turn it off.
• Sit near your children when they’re doing homework, and do work of your own: write a letter, pay bills, balance your checkbook, or read work-related material. Continue this routine as children grow older.
• Keep all commonly used school supplies in one place, including markers, crayons, pencils, paper, stapler, tape, glue sticks, scissors, and a dictionary. Buy several sheets of posterboard at a time and keep them on hand for periodic school projects. Kids enjoy choosing a variety of poster colors.
• Encourage children who participate in after-school childcare programs to do at least some of their homework there so that you have more family time in the evenings.

While all parents want their children to develop — socially, emotionally, and intellectually — school-imposed assignments on parents are not going to help. Instead, such assignments cut into, or even eliminate, the few cherished evening hours or minutes that parents have with their children — time better spent lingering at the dinner table, for example, engaged in a good conversation.

In fact, unlike homework, there is a strong association between teens who regularly sit down to dinner with their families and academic success. Family dinner also leads to better psychological adjustment and lower rates of alcohol use, drug use, sexual behavior, and suicidal risk. Needless to say, teens’ diets are healthier as well.

Read “Teachers: Don’t Assign Parents Homework.“

For parents with children ages birth to 5

At this age, the best things you can do to support your children’s learning and readiness for school are to read, read, read to them and help them safely discover and explore the world.

Some preschoolers, especially those with older siblings, may be excited by the idea of doing homework. Consider asking a preschool teacher to send home simple worksheets, or make or buy your children age-appropriate workbooks (in bookstores, toy stores, or at the magazine stand). Don’t worry about whether the work is completed; keep it fun and make it part of the game of “school.”

Surprisingly, most parents are very supportive and appreciate the opportunity to be more involved in their teen’s learning. Even the parents who complain think Mr. Frye is one of the best teachers.

Some parents say they like the assignments because they can spark intellectual conversation with teenagers who are normally less than communicative. “Searching for meaning in literary works is like stretching brain-cell-taffy in this household of literal interpretations and men of few words.”

Another parent commented:

“I take it as giving back to the teacher what he is apparently giving to our kids, a lot of attention and a lot of requirements.”

What would it take to get you to do some homework?

“The most important thing parents and teachers need to do is to keep in mind the balance between what I call support and challenge. You need to constantly challenge kids. But you need to give them the support to meet those challenges,” he says.

Richard Lavoie’s book, The Motivation Breakthrough, outlines six motivational strategies:

Praise. Specific, sincere praise focused on effort and improvement is effective for most children, especially for those motivated by status, recognition or affiliation (a need to belong).

Power. Offering minor choices will help motivate power-driven, autonomous and aggressive children. Avoiding power struggles means figuring out how to give kids some power without ceding your own.

Projects. Using projects to connect different disciplines can stimulate and motivate an autonomous or inquisitive child.

People. Though all children need positive relationships, it’s especially important for adults to build positive relationships with people-oriented kids.

Prizes. Prizes hold huge appeal to children driven by status, recognition, affiliation or power. But because formal reward systems may divert attention from the actual task, Lavoie suggests intermittent rewards not announced ahead of time to celebrate best efforts.

Prestige. To some extent, all children need to feel important, but for autonomous, aggressive, status- or power-driven children, prestige and recognition are fundamental. Consistent encouragement and opportunities to showcase their talents are important.

The warning Lavoie gives about prizes matches what others have said. This is the reason we don’t use rewards systems at TeamUP! Tutors.

The article, from Reuters, claims that because it’s easier for parents to contact their kids — by email, internet, webcam and mobile phone — their children have become more confident and communicative.

* Now get this: Woolfson’s survey was paid for by T-Mobile!