Heard the wry comment that parenting is finding the balance between threats and bribes? Author Alfie Kohn explains in this interview that by rewarding our children, we teach them to work for the reward instead of for the original objective.

“More than 70 studies have found that the more you reward people for doing something, the more they lose interest in whatever they had to do to get the reward. It’s not just that rewards are ineffective over the long haul; it’s that they are actively counterproductive.”

“Rewards work in the short term, but at a great cost. Rewards, like punishments, are useful for getting exactly one thing: temporary compliance. By bribing or threatening kids, you can get them to do what you want as long as the reward or the punishment keeps coming. You’ll never get anything more substantial than that.”

Alfie Kohn continues, explaining how he approaches motivating kids:

“A lot of my work turns on the distinction between doing things to kids and working with kids. The only way to help kids become generous, responsible people and life-long learners is to work with them to solve problems and make decisions. But that takes time. It also takes care, skill, and in some cases, courage because we have to reconsider the validity of our requests. We need to begin by thinking hard about what we’re asking kids to do: Who benefits from our requests? Is there another way?”

Mr. Kohn’s book is on Amazon.